In the journey of marriage, embracing the 5 Biblical roles of a husband can strengthen the foundation of a marriage. The Bible offers valuable insights into the responsibilities of a husband, outlining five essential roles that contribute to a fulfilling and God-centered marriage.
As I reflect on my upbringing, I’m grateful that for the love and care that my father provided for me yet, as I entered the realm of marriage, I discovered gaps in his guidance concerning crucial aspect – the roles of a leader, a laborer, loyalty, a learner, and a lover, as outlined in the following biblical principles. This blog is to acknowledge where I have fallen short. I have grappled with the challenges of embodying these roles, seeking to align my actions with timeless wisdom found in the Bible. My hope is to inspire and resonate with those on a similar quest to embrace these vital roles and cultivate marriages grounded in the enduring principles of faith.
1. A Leader: Your First Ministry is Your Wife
A biblical husband leads well in his marriage. This does not imply husbands to be dominating, abusive, or demeaning. Instead, husbands have the responsibility to guide, protect, and make decisions aligned with the principles of love, compassion, and humility. We are to lead like Christ exampling a servant style of leadership. Ephesians 5:25-32 instructs, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as the radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy as blameless.” Your wife should radiate and glow, showing that she is being led properly.
Husbands Are Initiative-taking: Make Decisions
Husbands should be proactive in decision-making, avoiding passivity, and developing the courage to be intentional. Unfortunately, we currently live in a society where women are begging their men to be “make a decision.” Throughout my marriage, my wife has looked to me for guidance, and I have come up short. I responded to her questions with, “I don’t know,” “We will figure it out when we get there,” or “Lets just go with the flow.” It was imperative that I develop courage to become intentional and take initiative. Plan date nights, collaborate on finances, and create an environment of open dialogue for shared goals.
You Are the Pastor in Your Home: Follow the Holy Spirit
To be a good leader one must be a good follower—read your bible. It is the Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth. The bible offers husbands the vital wisdom for leading our wives and children. Live out your Christian faith before your wife. She does not desire her husband to have strong thumbs from playing video games or holding the remote control. Make sure your wife and kids see you with an open Bible in hand throughout the week. Study the word in your home—hold bible studies in the house—play worship music in the house. Create an environment of peace and safety.
It is also crucial to take your family to church. We live in a society that schedules anything on Sundays. Example: “But my kids have games.” My response would be—”no they don’t.” Growing up a decent athlete, I stress most kids will not become professional athletes in their lifetime and, just like the pastor does not ask his congregation what they think he should preach about—it is the husband’s responsibility to make sure his family is in church. If your kid must be that “sporting event” make sure you take the church with you—read your bible to them or fill your day with worship music. Lastly, pray over your wife, emphasizing reliance on the Holy Spirit for guidance.
Be Her Protector: Use Your Muscles & Your Mind
God gave you stronger muscles so you can protect her. Most men physically stronger than women. The bone density is different from the female body and God did not give you bigger muscles so you could raise your hand against your wife. Beating your spouse does not come from God. It comes from your inner demons, iniquities, and traits learned from your father and grandfathers. You must repent or turn from ever laying hands on your wife. Do not be of the Jezebel spirit by oppressing, dominating, or controlling your wife. Be a builder and not a bully. Husbands are to serve and protect his wife. Raising your voice is not acceptable—it is a sign that you already lost an argument, you have lost control. Jesus did not abuse the church; nor should men abuse their wife.
2. A Hard Worker: Get To Work Fellas!
Being a provider and a laborer is another crucial role for a biblical husband. Genesis 2:15 – “The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” Our God is a working God and he created us in his image—so we need to work. 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household; he has denied the faith is worse than an unbeliever.” Ouch!!! Being too proud or entitled to work any job to provide for your family is worse than being an unbeliever. However, I must stress that I am not talking about people with disabilities. I am talking about individuals with able, working bodies who decide to set on warfare waiting for someone to provide for them. I am also calling out men who sit around waiting for the “perfect” job or career that best fits his personality. The bible clearing states that any job matches your “role” as a laborer. Proverbs 14:23 – “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.” Be grateful for any job until that career opportunity presents itself. Jesus worked approximately 20 years before starting his ministry and it is worthy to note that providing for your family goes beyond financial provision; it encompasses a willingness to work diligently to meet the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of the family. A husband who embraces the role of a laborer contributes not just to the material aspects but also to the overall flourishing of his home. God called you to work!
The Husband is Loyal
Loyalty is a cornerstone of a strong marriage. A biblical husband is loyal, demonstrating faithfulness and trustworthiness in both good times and challenging moments. I have heard the expression; I am just looking at the menu, but I am not ordering anything. This is a dangerous way of thinking. Matthew 5:28 – “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In an article from marriage.com, it informs that even though the gap is narrowing between who cheats more in a marriage, men currently still hold the lead. These learned behaviors and characteristics come from society, family dynamics, and/or media platforms. It is crucial for the husband to become aware of cycles that need broken to terminate generational curses, preventing them from continuing to live through his family. Dr. Rousawn Dozier states, “Generational curses ran in my family until it ran into me!”
It Starts with Flirting
Do not allow flirtatious behavior. It is the husband’s responsibility to protect his relationship and prevent flirtatious behavior. Be careful of the relationships you develop at work, shut down ALL online dating profiles, and do not allow “DMing” or unnecessary texting to occur.
The Grass Is Not Greener: Water Your Own Grass
It is the husband’s responsibility to keep his garden from becoming dry, parched, and dying of thirst. The 80/20 rule implies that as perfect as your wife is, she will only meet 80% of your needs. The other 20% is the area where either the enemy will tempt you or God will transform you—its your choice. Are you willing to leave the 80% that you have for the 20% that you desire? May I caution you from leaving your wife and kids for the “perfect” woman—if she were that perfect, she would date a married man. You can have a new marriage with the same wife if you change your attitude and how you treat your spouse.
Keep your territory sacred. Have boundaries.
Refrain from allowing yourself to be alone in environments with the opposite sex. Even in business, “things” can be discussed in a public setting where people are present. It can be dangerous territory to be alone with someone of the opposite sex that is not your spouse. Additionally, do not open your personal life to someone of the opposite sex. Example: “Me and my wife are going through things” is inviting the other person to be intimate with you emotionally. If you genuinely want to strengthen your marriage, talk to a guy who is going to hold you accountable. Keep your romance and your fire in your own fireplace.
Loyalty is a cornerstone of a strong marriage. A biblical husband is called to be loyal to his spouse, demonstrating faithfulness and trustworthiness. This loyalty extends to both the good times and the challenging moments, fostering an environment of security and unity within the marriage.
4. A Student of Your Wife: Figure Her Out.
A biblical husband is a perpetual learner, committed to personal and spiritual growth. This involves seeking wisdom from God’s Word, being open to constructive feedback, and actively working towards becoming a better partner. The humility to acknowledge areas for improvement and a commitment to continuous learning contribute to a thriving marital relationship. Figure your wife out. 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Husbands, ever wonder why you have not received answers for a certain prayer? If you are not fulfilling the petitions of your wife, God says it can hinder your prayer—Ignore your wife, God ignores you! This verse also implies she is the weaker vessel; not weak. We are both weak vessels and can not live this life without God. Lastly, live (dwell) with your wives in an understanding way. Dwell means to understand—figure her out. If you know what she likes, do it. If you know what she does not like, do not do it. It is the husband’s biblical responsibility to figure her out. Taking the 5 love languages quiz is a perfect start to understanding your wife’s needs.
5. A Lover: Die to Thyself
John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world, that he gave…” After taking the 5 Love Languages mentioned above, it is highly recommended to give or fulfill at least the top two attributes. Colossians 3:19 – “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” Love, in a biblical sense, is not just a feeling but a deliberate choice and action.
Spend Time with Your Spouse
Primarily, PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN. Secondly, it incredibly important to note that watching TV or a movie is NOT the quality time I am referring to when insinuating to spend time with her. What I am referring to is spending uninterrupted quality time asking questions to listen and understand. Example: How was your day??? Please unpack that… How did that make you feel? These are the types of questions that you should utilize to fully engage in conversation with your wife. This will help express her thoughts and release the weights of everyday life. It will create an environment for her to feel safe in your presence.
Stay Consistent: Make Her Feel Loved
A biblical husband loves his wife selflessly. This involves expressing affection, kindness, and genuine care. Cultivating a loving atmosphere within the marriage contributes to emotional intimacy and the overall well-being of both spouses. Husbands give her non-sexual contact such as holding her hand in public and opening her doors. These are small gestures that make her feel loved and adored. Additionally, this provides her the with confidence necessary to shine in the presence of others. I can remember as teenagers, it was a power stance to hold hands with the “girl of your dreams.” When courting proms, homecomings, or dates, it was an honor to open the door for her. I feel like society has lost sight of that. Rick Warren says, “If there were more courting in marriages, there would be less marriages in court.” Furthermore, husbands kiss your wife more frequently—bonus points if you kiss in public. Finally, compliment your wife but do not be generic with your compliments. Be specific and be generous with your words towards your wife to build her up.
Wrapping It Up
In conclusion, these 5 biblical roles of a husband go beyond societal expectations and cultural norms. Embracing these roles involves a commitment to selflessness, sacrificial love, and a deep desire to honor God through the marriage. By being a leader, laborer, loyal partner, continual learner, and a lover, a husband can fulfill the biblical principles that guide a thriving and God-centered marriage.