I have been married to my wife for 11 years. It started out great but went sour quickly. The status of my marriage was very unhealthy and on the brink of divorce, and throughout the hustle of daily life, I found myself constantly pointing out my wife’s shortcomings, oblivious to the cracks forming in our relationship. There is a saying the men from the Mindset Architecture Group live by… “When the man gets better, everything else gets better,” and truthfully, I was NOT striving to be better as a husband. It took a moment of introspection, a deep look in the mirror, to realize that perhaps the real issue was my own shortcomings. As I stared at my reflection, I began to question my actions and attitudes within the marriage. It was not easy to admit, but I had been neglecting my role in fostering a healthy connection. The emotional roller coaster ride was a cycle that needed to be broken. I decided to shift my focus inward, identifying areas where I could improve as a husband. Communication became a priority, replacing criticism with understanding. Open and honest conversations had to become the cornerstone of the relationship, allowing both of us to express vulnerabilities and aspirations. Taking responsibility for my actions, I acknowledged that a successful marriage required me to focus on self and allow God to work in and through her. Eventually, through mutual respect and empathy, we found common ground, paving the way for a deeper connection. This journey to self-improvement was not without challenges, but as I started addressing my own flaws, I witnessed a positive change in our dynamic. Amidst the challenges, I embarked on a transformative journey. United by love, we navigated the complexities, fostering understanding and communication, Together, we reshaped the narrative of our marriage, embracing growth, and creating a bond strengthened by shared experiences and newfound resilience. By fostering a supportive environment, we have begun to grow together rather than apart. The blog story explores the transformative power of self-reflection, urging readers to consider their contributions to relationships and encouraging a shift from blame to personal responsibility.
Husbands… I first want to put to rest the loose expression of, “I just want to be loved for who I am.” If we are being honest with ourselves, that is just a “cop out” excuse implying that we desire to stay in the complacency of self while complaining about the status of the relationship. One of my token phrases that I introduced to the Men’s Mindset Architecture Group is “She’s not interested in a week change and she’s not interested in a weak change.” In the journey of life, change is inevitable. However, when it comes to relationships, it is crucial to distinguish between a “week change” and a “weak change.” The phrase “she’s not interested in a week change” is a declaration that a swift alteration within a brief period is not the focus. Additionally, a week change could be defined as temporary change(s) that lasts long enough for her to lower her guard only to have her vulnerability taken advantage of. On the other hand, a weak change implies that transformation has no substance failing to bring meaningful impact to one’s true self. Substantial, impactful, and resilient change must come from the soul to transform us as men on a much deeper level. It involves removing iniquities planted in our DNA. These characteristics and traits may stem from our ancestors, past traumas, or the influence of society and social media. This blog aims to help men navigate the complexities of change in relationships, emphasizing the strength that comes with understanding and adapting.
“Exhausted Echoes: Riding the Roller Coaster of Week Changes in Silence.”
Throughout the relationship, she may become aware of red flags or sustain spiritual and/or emotional injury(s) from past situations that have and continue to recur. This inevitably results in her building a wall to guard her heart. Proverbs 4:23 tells us “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” In the sporadic journey of week changes, your spouse may find herself silently exhausted from the roller coaster ride. The constant shifts in mood, routine, or circumstances create an emotional turbulence that can wear down even the strongest individuals. The metaphor of riding a roller coaster emphasizes the unpredictable ups and downs, symbolizing the challenging nature of these transient shifts, and the toll it takes on her emotional well-being. It serves as a recognition of the unspoken struggles your spouse may be enduring while attempting to cope with the ever-changing dynamics within the relationship. The relentless roller coaster of week changes can have profound effects on a relationship, impacting both partners in numerous ways:
1. Communication Breakdown
The emotional exhaustion stemming from frequent “week” changes may lead to a breakdown in communication. As one or both partners grapple with the constant shifts, expressing thoughts and feelings becomes challenging, contributing to a sense of disconnect.
2. Eroding Trust
The unpredictability of week changes can erode trust within the relationship. When partners are uncertain about each other’s emotions or reactions, it can create an atmosphere of doubt and insecurity, undermining the foundation of trust that is crucial for a healthy relationship.
3. Emotional Distance
Exhaustion from riding the emotional roller coaster might result in emotional distancing. One or both partners may withdraw to protect themselves from the stress, leading to a sense of detachment and loneliness within the relationship. **Sidebar note – Most wives cheat on an emotional level before the physical has occurred. **
4. Impact on Intimacy
Intimacy, both emotional and physical, can be significantly affected. The strain caused by constant fluctuations can hinder the ability to connect on a deep, intimate level, making it challenging to sustain the emotional and physical aspects of the relationship.
5. Struggle for Stability
The absence of stability can create an environment of constant tension. Relationships thrive on a degree of predictability, and the absence of it due to frequent week changes can make it difficult for partners to find a stable ground on which to build and grow together.
6. Increased Stress Levels
The cumulative effect of navigating week changes may lead to heightened stress levels for both partners. Coping with the emotional roller coaster requires energy and resilience, and when that is consistently depleted, it can impact overall well-being.
7. Cycle of Misunderstandings
Week changes can contribute to a cycle of misunderstandings. The lack of clarity and emotional exhaustion may lead to misinterpretations of each other’s actions and intentions, perpetuating a cycle of confusion and conflict.
Understanding these potential effects is crucial for both partners to work collaboratively in addressing the challenges posed by frequent week changes. Open communication, empathy, and a shared commitment to navigating these changes together can help mitigate the negative impacts and strengthen the resilience of the relationship.
“Navigating Your Weak Change: The Challenge of Meaningful Change and Adaptation.”
At its core, a weak change signifies a transformation or alteration that remains on the surface—superficial, lacking substance, and insufficient to instigate a meaningful impact. It becomes a temporary adjustment that often sidesteps the core issues stemming from traits passed down from our ancestors, our past traumas, or the subliminal influence of society, the media, and social media. Picture a scenario that you are currently facing. Now shift the perspective to what your wife is seeing. She sees subtle shifts that you are attempting, but they continue to fall short of addressing the fundamental aspects that demand attention. These modifications, easily reversible and lacking depth, tend to leave underlying problems unaddressed. It is akin to putting a band-aid on a wound without treating the source of the ailment. In the intricate relationship with your wife, the concept of weak changes takes on a nuanced dimension. Husbands must begin to move “in sync” with their wife to create harmony. However, despite our best efforts to initiate gentle transformations, there are instances where our partner, especially in the context of this exploration, our wife, may not be as receptive. Quite frankly, she may not trust you. Sometimes, the subtleties of change might not resonate because you lack integrity—she has heard you consistently say that you will do one thing only to do the opposite. Here the challenge lies in swallowing your pride long enough to understand and navigate the complexities of her perspective. Faced with the realization that weak changes may not suffice, the journey must pivot towards adaptation and compromise. It becomes a mutual exploration to find common ground, fostering growth within the relationship while involving open communication, the understanding of each other’s needs, and a willingness to evolve together. Below we set the tone by acknowledging the multifaceted nature of personal growth and how it can be hindered by influences from various sources. By framing the discussion around ancestral, societal, media, and social media iniquities, I have created an awareness of the interconnected challenges individuals may face in their journey towards self-improvement to creating life altering, permanent change:
1. Ancestral Iniquities: Unraveling Generational Patterns
Ancestral iniquities and family beliefs can create patterns that hinder personal growth by influencing attitudes, limiting perspectives, and perpetuating negative behaviors across generations. Breaking free from such patterns often requires self-awareness and a conscious effort to challenge and reshape ingrained thought processes. Dr. Ana Mendez Ferrell has created an exquisite book “Iniquity” explaining the power of iniquities and how to overcome them.
2. Societal Pressures: Breaking the Mold
Societal pressures can constrain individual growth by imposing expectations, norms, and stereotypes. Over generations, adherence to these pressures may limit personal development as individuals may conform to societal standards rather than pursuing authentic paths. Breaking free often involves challenging societal norms and fostering a culture that encourages individual expression and growth.
3. Media Influence: Shaping Perceptions
Media influence can shape societal perceptions, creating unrealistic standards and reinforcing certain values. Over generations, exposure to biased or distorted portrayals in the media can impact individuals’ self-esteem, aspirations, and attitudes. Breaking away from these influences may require critical media literacy and a conscious effort to cultivate a more balanced and authentic worldview for personal growth.
4. Social Media Pitfalls: The Double-Edged Sword
Social media platforms can impact personal growth by fostering comparison, creating unrealistic expectations, and promoting a culture of instant gratification. Over generations, constant exposure to curated online personas may contribute to feelings of inadequacy and hinder authentic self-expression. Navigating these influences requires individuals to cultivate a healthy relationship with social media, prioritize genuine connections, and recognize the importance of offline experiences for holistic personal growth.
Empowerment Strategies: Nurturing Strong Growth
Now that awareness has been established for potential threats influencing your day-to-day thoughts and actions, one must be careful not to live in any of the shortcomings that surface. Yes, allow the feelings of conviction and sorrow to surface but do not live out the rest of your days feeling depressed or defeated. Allow forgiveness to take hold and walk in confidence that you can shift the trajectory of your life to better serving your wife, your kids, yourself. Below are various empowerment strategies to overcome ancestral iniquities, societal pressures, and media influences:
Primarily, one must become self-aware, understand, and recognize the impact of these influences on your beliefs and behaviors. Next, it is time to dive into critical thinking. Develop the ability to question societal norms, media portrayals, and inherited beliefs, fostering a more discerning perspective. After critical thinking takes place, it will be necessary to then dive into cultural exploration. Embrace diverse perspectives to broaden your understanding, challenging preconceived notions inherited from your ancestry or society. Be encouraged that it is possible to foster a new sense of individuality and self-expression, breaking away from traits and characteristics passed down from prior generations. Finally, it is imperative to become familiar with how the media may implant subconscious messaging in your mind. Unfortunately, this happens over time, and one must learn to critically evaluate information, discerning between authentic content and biased narratives in both traditional and social media.
The Power in Proximity
It is also important to seek out and learn from positive role models who have overcome similar challenges, providing inspiration and guidance for personal growth. Connect with supportive communities that share your values, providing encouragement and understanding during the journey of personal development. Click here for more information to the Men’s Mindset Architect Morning Zoom Calls. This group was specifically designed for men to uplift, encourage, and hold each other accountable. Taking time for self-care is of most importance. Cultivate practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or therapy to enhance self-reflection and emotional resilience. Finally, it is vital to your growth to set realistic goals that align with newly learned values and aspirations, allowing for a gradual but steady progression towards personal growth. By combining these strategies, individuals can navigate and overcome the challenges posed by ancestral influences, societal pressures, and media impact on their journey toward holistic personal development.
To Conclude
So, the next time you hear your spouse mentioning their disinterest in a week or weak change, remember that they might be seeking something more profound—a change with strength and significance. It is a reminder that in our ever-evolving lives, the quality of change matters just as much as the pace. Embracing self-awareness is the key to navigating both the subtle shifts and challenging changes in life. Recognizing our strengths and weaknesses empowers us to adapt, learn, and grow. By fostering resilience and a proactive mindset, we can overcome obstacles, turning moments of vulnerability into opportunities for personal development. Remember, awareness is the first step towards transformation, and embracing change—both strong and weak—ultimately leads to a more fulfilling and resilient life journey. Finally, whatever challenges you face, remember that each obstacle is an opportunity for growth. Embrace change with open arms, for within it lies the potential for self-discovery and resilience. Your journey must be approached with courage and determination. So, seize the moment, believe in your capabilities, and let the spirit of encouragement guide you towards your aspirations. You’ve got this!
